How to Fight a Cold War
by LittleBlueNayru
Summary: Kinkmeme deanon.  Thoughts on the bloodless would-be bloodbath. America POV.


Disclaimer: Himaruya owns Axis Powers Hetalia, Robert Greene owns "The 33 Strategies of War".

Hetalia Livejournal Kinkmeme deanon based on the following prompt:

_"**Russia+America- mastermind America:** So, in most things they're considered equal yet whenever it comes to a challenge or dominance or anything really America always seems to lose...if he always loses then would Russia really think of him as an equal? I'm not bashing those stories (I read them often enough that I love them) but I'd like to see a story where America is either the mastermind or victor in their little duel."_

While my own mini-fill is a bit sparse/lacking at times, it served mainly to inspire more fills. However, I chose to share it with you all here on the FF as well._  
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><p><strong>THE POLARITY STRATEGY: DECLARE WAR ON YOUR ENEMIES<strong>  
>You should be flattered, Ivan, that you occupy my attentions even more than Canada and England. You should be honored that I want to crush you so badly.<p>

**THE GUERILLA WAR-OF-MIND STRATEGY: DO NOT FIGHT THE LAST WAR**  
>Nukes do not the victor make, Ivan. Maybe you had more, maybe I did. Might doesn't make right unless you know how to hit. And in this new kind of war, this Cold War, you don't.<p>

**THE COUNTERBALANCE STRATEGY: DO NOT LOSE YOUR PRESENCE OF MIND**  
>You can pack quite a punch, Russia. But I'm not backing down.<p>

**THE DEATH-GROUND STRATEGY: CREATE A SENSE OF URGENCY**  
>Thanks to you, Ivan, I can work twice as quickly, fueled by adrenaline and the <em>need<em>to see you fall. That's the only compliment you'll ever get from me.

**THE COMMAND-AND-CONTROL STRATEGY: AVOID THE SNARES OF GROUPTHINK**  
>If for no other reason than that, Russia, your communism has undone you. Stalin can sing red all he wants, but nothing will get done by his conflicted, sniveling underlings in the confusion of your so-called 'classless' society.<p>

**THE CONTROLLED-CHAOS STRATEGY: SEGMENT YOUR FORCES**  
>Huddle together under your banner of red with your Soviet bloc. Spread across the globe with my allies, it will be easier for me to take you down.<p>

**MORAL STRATEGIES: TRANSFORM YOUR WAR INTO A CRUSADE**  
>Better dead than red. For democracy.<p>

**THE PERFECT-ECONOMY STRATEGY: PICK YOUR BATTLES CAREFULLY**  
>Your stings with Korea and Vietnam have only let me learn a lesson; I will invest more wisely, and more deeply when I do.<p>

**THE COUNTERATTACK STRATEGY: TURN THE TABLES**  
>I'll admit, Ivan, that atomic test over Kazakhstan was a real shock. But it let me know <em>exactly<em>what and who I was dealing with, and just how the future would be. Go ahead and play white in our little chess game; I'll gladly take black.

**DETERRENCE STRATEGIES: CREATE A THREATENING PRESENCE**  
>Oh, Russia, I thought you <em>wanted<em> to blow up the world with all these bombs! That's why we're collecting them, isn't it? Keep at Cuba. I _know_you want to see what happens afterward.

**THE NONENGAGEMENT STRATEGY: TRADE SPACE FOR TIME**  
>All the land in the world means nothing if I can blow it up from space, Ivan. What, did you really think the Space Race was just a game?<p>

**GRAND STRATEGY: LOSE BATTLES BUT WITH THE WAR**  
>Germany. Korea. China. Vietnam.<br>Yet here I stand.

**THE INTELLIGENCE STRATEGY: KNOW YOUR ENEMY**  
>I'm an oblivious, greedy, insensitive, idealistic, naive, young, blonde nation trying to steal the spotlight and take command, aren't I? But at least I know how to do it subtly, Ivan. Europe tells me many stories about you. You're just a big childish bully on the inside with a scary face on the outside, aren't you? Otherwise my glint of insanity in Cuba wouldn't have made you back down.<p>

**THE BLITZKRIEG STRATEGY: OVERWHELM RESISTANCE WITH SPEED AND SUDDENNESS**  
>By the dawn of the next millenium, my poking and prodding will cause the Soviet bloc to all fall down from the inside. Jenga is such a fun game to pass the time with.<p>

**FORCING STRATEGIES: CONTROL THE DYNAMIC**  
>I'm a young nation, Russia, and I can go on for centuries. I'll run you ragged. Then I'll stop, and leave you off-balance and confused. I'll wear you out. I'll lull you to sleep and complacency. And then I will drag you down. Think fast.<p>

**THE CENTER-OF-GRAVITY STRATEGY: HIT THEM WHERE IT HURTS**  
>The heart, as red as the philosophy it preaches. Cardiac arrest is imminent.<p>

**THE DIVIDE-AND-CONQUER STRATEGY: DEFEAT THEM IN DETAIL**  
>The Boogeyman at the head. His loyal sisters. His friendlier allies of Asia.<br>His bullied friends in Europe. Targets sighted.

**THE TURNING STRATEGY: EXPOSE AND ATTACK THE SOFT FLANK**  
>I'll let you tear yourself apart, Ivan. There's your selfless, mindless followers, and the unhappy impoverished. Let your proletariat cells make a battlefield of your body and rip you apart.<p>

**THE ANNIHILATION STRATEGY: ENVELOP THE ENEMY**  
>NATO<br>Australia, Africa, Japan.  
>Alaska.<br>Feeling the pressure yet?

**THE RIPENING-FOR-THE-SICKLE STRATEGY: MANEUVER THEM INTO WEAKNESS**  
>If global relations is like a room, Russia, then I'm boxing you into a corner.<p>

**THE DIPLOMATIC-WAR STRATEGY: NEGOTIATE WHILE ADVANCING**  
>Neither of us is going to put down our arms during talks, Russia. We both know we just won't aim. But that doesn't mean I'll let us speak bloodlessly. Never back down, even for a second.<p>

**THE EXIT STRATEGY: KNOW HOW TO END THINGS**  
>You Soviet Union house crumbles behind you as its occupants leave. Here, let me pick you up, pull you to your feet, and get you righted with the world again. I'll show you the right way again. Capitalism can be generous by virtue of surplus.<p>

**MISPERCEPTION STRATEGIES: WEAVE A SEAMLESS BLEND OF FACT AND FICTION**  
>Russia, Russia, Russia...You think yourself subtle and a master of the art of war with your roundabout way of doing things and getting what you want, but your whole deck reveals itself at the end of each round. I've only let you see some of my better cards, but never my whole hand. My elevator reaches the top of floor, cloudy atmosphere or no. Keep underestimating this so-called oblivious idiot, who only occasionally has bright moments. See what happens.<p>

**THE ORDINARY-EXTRAORDINARY STRATEGY: TAKE THE LINE OF LEAST EXPECTATION**  
>You knew I wouldn't back down during the Cuban Missile Crisis, Russia. Why ever would that surprise you?<p>

**THE RIGHTEOUS STRATEGY: OCCUPY THE MORAL HIGH GROUND**  
>I am the hero. You are the villain. Here I come to save the day, and the world.<p>

**THE STRATEGY OF THE VOID: DENY THEM TARGETS**  
>No more wars, no more spaceships, no more skirmishes. Sooner or later your hatred for me will consume you and destroy you, with no outlets left. Asyphixiated scarf and all.<p>

**THE ALLIANCE STRATEGY: SEEM TO WORK FOR THE INTERESTS OF OTHERS WHILE FURTHERING YOUR OWN**  
>We both do this. Isn't it fun to dance so capriciously among the Nations of the World?<p>

**THE ONE-UPMANSHIP STRATEGY: GIVE YOUR RIVALS ENOUGH ROPE TO HANG THEMSELVES WITH**  
>Famines in Siberia?<br>Chernobyl?  
>Intelligence on the new (fake) superweapon I'm creating?<br>Possible uprisings in other SSRs? With Western aid?  
>You've got a lot of work on your hands, Russia, are you sure you can handle it all?<p>

**THE FAIT-ACCOMPLI STRATEGY: TAKE SMALL BITES**  
>I've never been one for dainty eating, but if nibbling is what it takes to destroy you, I'll take all the time in the world to finish this meal.<p>

**COMMUNICATION STRATEGIES: PENETRATE THEIR MINDS**  
>"<em>This is Russian Radio here, calling you to come back home. This is Russian Radio here; run while you still, while you still can..."<em>

**THE INNER-FRONT STRATEGY: DESTROY FROM WITHIN**  
>Ring around the roses, a bloc full of Soviets, ashes, ashes, they all fall down.<p>

**THE PASSIVE-AGGRESSION STRATEGY: DOMINATE WHILE SEEMING TO SUBMIT**  
>With both our refusals to bend and submit, your damn persistence and your stubbornness, we will lead the world to ruin. In terms of nuclear disarmament, I'd say we're off to a bad START.<p>

**THE CHAIN-REACTION STRATEGY: SOW UNCERTAINTY AND PANIC THROUGH ACTS OF TERROR**  
>I'll never tell anyone this, ever, Russia, but I hope you liked Chernobyl.<p>

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><p>"If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle."<p> 


End file.
